There’s an elephant in the room. But it’s difficult to convey via this medium so, I’m just going to come out with it. I am abnormally tall. Two metres tall to be exact. Or 6’7″. And before you ask; no I’m not a basketballer. While I’m at it; the weather “up here” is the same as down there and no I don’t know your cousin or friend or next door neighbours niece’s dog’s owner who is also over 6’5”.
In case this wasn’t enough, my name is Peter. This makes me a genuine two-metre-Peter. A fact which seems to amaze others. “Wait, so you’re ACTUALLY two metres tall?… As in 200cm?!… AND YOUR NAME IS PETER?!?”
Now, most will tell me being tall is something to be proud of. And sure, being a human flagpole has its advantages:
- I’m like a periscope at gigs and concerts. I see all and act as a good landmark for people to find their friends. “I’m standing just to the right of the tall guy… I know, he’s a giant right?”
- Sports like Netball and Volleyball are easy. Like ridiculously easy. I’ve been known to stand at the net in volleyball and dare people to try and get the ball past me.
- I have, what I humbly like to think of, as the world’s greatest Twitter and Instagram handle: @2metretweeter…
I’ll give you a minute to digest that last one. Go on.
Alas, it’s not all awkward-tall-person-sex, drugs and rock n’ roll. You see:
- My posture is horrendous. But it’s not my fault! Life gets in the way. Seriously, whoever built kitchen benches is one sick burgerflipper! And DON’T GET ME STARTED on aeroplane toilets. Guys, have you ever tried to take a leak while doing the limbo staring at the roof?!
- It’s apparently socially acceptable to gawk at me in public. People can stare. They can point. They can say to their friends “shit, he’s tall”. But as soon as I try and return the favour, I’m rude. When is it going to be socially acceptable for me to say “HA, you’re a shortarse, you must be terrible at basketball.”
So why do I tell you all this? Well, you could say it’s a reminder to treat everyone as if they’re your superior, Dale Carnegie style. But really it highlights the importance of providing the context in a narrative. I titled this blog ‘A bird’s eye view’ after all. What good would that be without context?!