15(ish) questions that will almost certainly have no impact on your life

A little while ago I put together a list of 25(ish) questions that might change your life. In the interests of highlighting how ridiculous we all are I thought it’d be fun to do the opposite.

I present, 15(ish) questions that will almost certainly have no impact on your life (but that we ask each other all the time).

  • “How are you?” – Let’s be honest, no-one is listening to the answer of this question. Don’t try anything fancy. Just reply “Good thanks, and you?” and move on.
  • “So, what do you do for a living?” Usually asked when meeting new people at that party you attended out of politeness. You seem nice Greg, but I know you don’t really care what I do for a living.
  • “Did you get my voicemail?” – It’s 2017, just send them a message.
  • “Did you get sunburnt?” – Usually said to the fair-skinned fellow who’s come into work resembling a lobster.
  • “Oh, you got a haircut?” – I mean, has anyone ever got a haircut without knowing it?
  • “Should we take this offline?” – Said during a work meeting involving lots of busy and important people shuffling papers and straightening their ties.
  • “What’s your phone number?” – It’s 2017, just stalk them on Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/LinkedIn/Twitter
  • “Are you willing and able to assist in case of emergency?” – Said to the 6’7″ basketballer who paid $46.30 extra for the Emergency Exit row
  • “Do you have the time?” –  Smartphone *cough* *cough*
  • “Can I ask you a quick question?” – Oh, the irony.
  • “Do you want fries with that?” – I want fries with everything.
  • “Are you hungry?” – See above
  • “Should we watch a DVD?” – I beg your pardon?
  • “How tall are you?” – *sigh*
  • “Do you read a bird’s eye view religiously?” – Wait, what?